Janey Godley’s Blog

I was sitting writing this blog and he managed to move sofa’s about and slide tables around as I sat still. It was like that scene from Amityville Horror, I looked round and there were chairs stacked on top of each other on a small occasional table!

I was just about to go into the Groucho Club for a quick pre gig drink when he called me “Janey, when will you be home?”

Me-“I don’t know, I may stay out late”

Husband - “Do you have an estimated time of arrival?”

Me – “No. Why?”

Husband- “Its just I want have supper all ready for you”

Me-“It’s a fucking salad, there is no cooking, you can have it ready when I get there”

Husband- “Do you want a bacon roll for breakfast?”

Me (exasperated) - “I don’t know yet as its just 8pm, I have no idea what I want at 8am”

Husband- “Well if you want bacon I can put it at the front of the fridge and when I open the door it will be nearest to hand in the morning”

Me (now convinced he needs to die) -“Are you that bloke from ‘Sleeping with the Enemy?’ Am I going to have to dye my hair and fake my own death?”

Husband (completely unperturbed)- “So that’s a yes to the bacon?”

It’s been like this for days now. He constantly needs to know everything I may want in the next fourteen hours so he can get it prepared in advance. I am so used to travelling on my own I am not used to someone asking me what I want to eat next Tuesday.

To top it all, I woke up this morning with a big knotted elastic band in my bushy hair, I could not work out why my hair looked like a special needs person, husband saw me trying to unravel it, he smiled smugly and said “Last night your hair touched my face so I got up and tied it into a pony tail as you slept, that why you have a strange side bunch”

That man is re arranging my hair in my sleep that is grounds for divorce.

Today I also have a nasty head cold, it makes me feel ill. I have snotty stuff coming out of my beak and I want to remove the bowling ball from my brain!