What Women must never do or say

Award-winning Blog, running since 2004, which provides an astoundingly honest, candid and sometimes jaw-dropping insight into stand-up comic and best-selling author Janey Godley's extraordinary collection of domestic crises & marital tiffs.

2007/9/23

Tags:

life

@ 12:47 PM (10 months, 19 days ago)

Following on from the previous blogs about what men must never do or say – here is the female equivalent!

Women must never say to men-

· Can you actually see your penis when you look down, or does your tummy hide it?

· Is that you squealing with an orgasm or has your foot gone into a cramp during sex again?

· Would you like to come into town and help me pick shoes?

· Yes, I would love to watch the football with you, but only if I get to score the footballers asses out of ten for cuteness. Is the grass muddy? I love it when it sticks to their firm butts.

· Of course I would love sex, but can you take the weight on your elbows as a punctured lung is not really considered erotic?

· Let me pluck your eyebrows.

· Wear this pink sweater with cats faces on and prove to everyone in the pub that you are safe in your own sexuality, or I will think you are gay and hiding it.

· No, there is nothing wrong with me and if you can’t actually guess what is wrong with me then that’s because you don’t pay attention, and no I am not giving you a hint as to what may be wrong with me. What do you think is wrong with me?

· I would like you to pick my outfit today for a very important meeting; I trust your fashion sense implicitly.

· Wear a bandana and faded jeans, I loved the 80s.

· Try on my pantyhose/tights under your jeans…just for a laugh.

Women should NEVER say any of the above, it’s evil and bad!